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Gadzooks! Democracy is a strange poison.
What else but the drug of candidacy takes reasonable,
mild-mannered men (troublingly few women) and turns
them into vocal master debaters?
As for me, a devotee of Marxist ideology (Grouchian
school), I have nothing to do with elections, if I
can help it, taking the view that I wouldn't want
the job of representing anyone idiotic enough to vote
for me.
I have the guts of a scallop and a spine modelled
on a slinky spring so I restrict myself to sniping
from the sidelines while braver souls reach for the
cudgels.
There is, though, a darker side to my nature - a
shit-stirring tendency that sets sister against brother;
colleague against comrade; candidate against voter.
You wouldn't wanna know me, bub!
But never, (at least since I told Knee-nuts O'Hara
what Crucifier Campbell did in his fish tank) have
I instigated such ill-feeling - with such little effort!
I shall begin my explanation in time-honoured style
by blaming someone else - Brother Youett. It was he,
also known as Chris, who asked me if I could possibly
arrange a hustings - with sandwiches - in Glasgow.
I did not miss my opportunity. I set to work emailing
the other candidates and copying in various members
in Scotland who might take an interest. I now concede
that this was a deliberately provocative move and
happily, within hours, a storm was brewing.
John Fray accepted the challenge; Fraser Addecott
politely declined, citing a desire to save the union
money and Greg Lloyd Smith of the "action, initiative
and fortitude" dismissed the notion as a "waste
of time" and an exercise in "hand-holding".
Step up, Glasgow branch chair, Rory MacLeod, with
his open response, urging that Greg think again and
not think of the union as a "corporate company".
Absurd! "Everything should be operated as though
it were a corporation; but especially Unions,"
said Greg.
"How can we understand the community our members
serve if we try to hold ourselves out as something
special or different? The Union IS a business, endeavouring
to service its members and provide quality labour
to the community….
"Anyone who says different doesn't understand
the objective or is working towards a personal agenda."
And who could argue with someone who has received
"1 question (quite intelligent), 2 general comments
and several hundred emails of support; oh yeah and
a silly comment from one of Mr Fray's supports"?
Speechless, Rory replied: "If [the union was
to be run as a corporation] we would surely be derecognising
our staff and laying many of them off with paltry
remuneration and keeping a low-wage structure for
the few that remain.
"The allusion of the union being like a business
is not a good one. It misses the point of the reason
why they exist, were set up, and are still necessary."
With a "Whoosh!" and a "Gosh!"
Greg declared himself - and his assistant -
unable to understand MacLeod's comments.
But he revealed that down his street in Mykonos (somewhat
south-east of the Gorbals) he has much success in
local politics having never attended a meeting in
almost 20 years.
Declaring that all the others copied into the email
were voyeurs and hangers-on, Greg quickly bid adieu.
Inexplicably, Rory surprised Lloyd Smith by advising
that he had lost the MacLeod vote. But, perhaps concealing
his hurt, Greg retorted that it mattered not a jot:
"It is not your vote that matters (at all) but
the nearly 24,000 members who didn't bother to vote
in the last election."
It was with apparent bemusement and no little exasperation
that MacLeod greeted this expression of contempt,
urging that Lloyd Smith "Get serious about the
election … or have the dignity and respect for
those that want to do something and withdraw...."
"Shame on you," said Greg - by this time
the voyeuristic hangers-on were beside themselves.
Soon, a new name appeared amid their number for Greg
had copied in one Jacob Ecclestone, before drawing
the thrill-seeking gallery's attention to the following
link:
http://213.55.2.162/ecclestone/nuj.phtml
After some more to-ing and fro-ing, Greg availed
us of some home-spun wisdom from his father (who I
didn't know was even in the Waltons): "My
ole Dad used to say when you point the finger at someone,
be careful b'cause there's three more fingers pointing
back at you!"
He then said something about MacLeod serving his
"masters" and I almost fancied that I heard
a wicked laugh but I couldn't be sure as I was playing
my banjo and indulging in voyeurism at the same time.
Well, hostilities soon ceased but not before I (I'm
such a rogue) had asked Greg if he had ever attended
an NUJ meeting - which he hasn't - and he suggested
I go to the NUJ website forum - which I did (and I
suggest that you do too, dear members).
There, Greg had other antagonists, all of whom he
thought to be "disgruntled Scotsmen". One
of those suggested that members search for Greg Lloyd
Smith on the internet - which I did.
But that, my friends, is another story.
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